Life Story Links: October 27, 2020

 
 

“Here’s the deal. The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed—to be seen, heard, and companioned exactly as it is.”
—Parker J. Palmer

 
Vintage “Jolly Hallowe’en” postcard, courtesy The Miriam and Ira D. Wallach Division of Art, Prints and Photographs: Picture Collection, The New York Public Library Digital Collection.

Vintage “Jolly Hallowe’en” postcard, courtesy The Miriam and Ira D. Wallach Division of Art, Prints and Photographs: Picture Collection, The New York Public Library Digital Collection.

 
 

Beyond Celebrity

YOU MATTER TO ME
“Unexpected praise, like a gift given ‘just because,’ can be even more powerful—and make an even bigger impact…So do it now. Before it's too late.” How Eddie Van Halen’s death inspired this decree for telling those who matter to you that they are appreciated. Tribute time, anyone?

“EARLY LIFE ISN’T EVERYTHING”
The brother of comedian Mike Nichols writes a heartfelt letter offering a counterpoint to the way a reviewer characterized his mother, “dismissed with the single word ‘nightmarish,’ and I will attempt in this letter to relate some information that might allow a fuller and kinder understanding of her.”

AND IT’S NOT GHOSTWRITTEN
“I had been threatening, daring myself to go open my treasure chest of diaries for the past 15 years but never had the courage to do it,” actor Matthew McConaughey says. The milestone of turning 50 was the impetus he needed, and the resulting book—“a love letter to life,” he calls it—is out now.

 
 

Saving Our Photo Stories

TOO MANY PICTURES?
“It’s a lot of ‘I’ll do it later.’ And really, you could do years’ worth of later. And then you’re kind of faced with this insurmountable project before you.” Why you shouldn’t put off that big digital photo organizing project.

PHOTOS & STORYTELLING
I’m a personal historian, so it should come as no surprise that I think a photo book with no stories is, as my grandmother would say, for the birds. I offer up three themes that elevate your photo book to heirloom, and make adding your personal stories easy.

 
 

All History Is Personal

RACE, IDENTITY & THE STORIES WE TELL
“If we truly want Mississippi to advance, we have to embrace all of its stories, even the ones that make us uncomfortable.” University professor W. Ralph Eubanks discusses why he teaches Southern identity and memory, and how “memory is not a passive repository of facts, but an active process of creating meaning about the past.”

HOW THEY VOTED
Have you created an archive of your family's voting history? Pam Pacelli Cooper of Massachusetts–based Verissima Productions.offers some questions to consider as we celebrate National Archives month and head into the November elections.

WHERE IS THE BLACK BRITISH HISTORY?
“I’m privileged in that my Grandma took it upon herself to commit her life story to the page, which means our entire extended family can learn about our shared personal history by reading her book. Most Black Brits aren’t nearly as lucky,” Almaz Ohene writes—and so she shares her story so they may, too, see themselves and “and the collective importance of their histories.”

 
 

Life Story Work

FOR THE ADOPTIVE FAMILY
“Life story work is vitally important and is about giving adopted children a narrative that they can understand about their early life experiences.” All families who adopt through this UK–based agency are offered one-to-one sessions with a life story support worker.

IN THE GRIP OF MOURNING
Can you write someone’s life story if they are still deep in the throes of mourning? Should you? Seattle–based memoirist and ghostwriter Bruno George ponders these questions, and turns to Roland Barthes’s Mourning Diary for added insight.

 
 

In First Person

IN CONVERSATION
Alisson Wood on “the myth of catharsis in memoir, redistributing power, and the tales we tell ourselves in order to both justify and survive the situations we find ourselves in. And how, by retelling these stories, we reclaim our own power.”

“1,000 ARABIAN NIGHTS”
When Umber Ahmad brought friends to her childhood home in Michigan, she dreamed there would be Little Debbie cakes in their perfect plastic wrappers. Her mom had other plans, as she shares in this story on the latest episode of the Schmaltzy Podcast

 
 

...and a Few More Links

 
 

Short Takes

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“The technician quickly told us that it was a girl. But then she started taking longer, and finally she asked us to step into another room. Our doctor delivered the news gently. But then she sent us to a specialist who wasn’t so gentle. ‘The measurements are all off,’ they told us. ‘We need to know how you’d like to manage the pregnancy.’ It was surreal. I was firm in my decision, but I can empathize with women who feel like they have no choice. Because in that moment I doubted that I would ever be able to meet the needs of my child. She had a condition called ‘skeletal dysplasia.’ Her bones weren’t growing like they should, and she might not even survive. I’m usually a fairly private person, but this time was different. I didn’t care how many people knew. There were prayer chains and Facebook groups. My friends got together without me knowing, and they prayed over us. We received letters from so many people: family overseas, people we’d lost touch with, people we’d never met. We hung them all in the bathroom until the entire wall was filled. But a few weeks before our due date, we received the worst possible news: Elliana’s chest cavity hadn’t grown enough, and there wasn’t room for her lungs. I asked the doctor to give me the odds, but he just shook his head. We began to plan for her funeral. I could feel Elliana kicking inside me as we chose her urn and filled out the paperwork. I remember wanting to stay pregnant forever so that she’d always be safe. On the day of her birth, the waiting room was filled with people who loved us. They prayed from 10 AM to 5 AM the next day. I still keep a picture of that waiting room hanging in our hallway. And it’s my favorite picture, because it reminds me of all the people who petitioned for Elliana’s life. And we got our miracle. I struggle with it sometimes, because I know so many people lose their babies. But Elliana came out breathing on her own, and the doctors were in awe. Eight years later—they’re still in awe. Our story has a happy ending. But even when it seemed like a tragedy, I never felt alone. I never felt like the story was my own. Because in my darkest moments, a community of people chose to share my burden.”

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